Scriptstalgia

Just spent a little while re-reading a screenplay I wrote when I was 19. It was a screwball fantasy, of all things. I’ve learned a lot about writing since then, and the script is pretty unbearably raw. But that doesn’t mean I won’t post some random dialogue excerpts completely without context!

PILOT: We’re going to have to land in Vegas… Jesus Mary Herbert Walker Bush.
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ALIEN #2 (V.O.): Maybe you won’t be so cocky after we fill your Space Pants with a Twelve-Legged Snaggle-Toothed Quarfuzzle Groin Beast.
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PETE: What’s a Yak?
TIMOTHY: Think of it as an unemployed cow.
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TIMOTHY: It’s better than staying here and watching that chowderhead snort parmesan cheese.
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Emphysema Phil fires a spitball from a straw in the hole in his neck. It hits the first domino and topples the line.
EMPHYSEMA PHIL (thrusting his arms in the air): I am invincible!
He wheezes painfully.
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DARREN: You see, my father is Gerhard Schveinhauser.
SECRETARY: Gerhard Schveinhauser?
DARREN: Maxwell’s brother.
SECRETARY: I didn’t know he had a brother.
DARREN: Oh, he has a lot. We have a family saying: “Look - another Schveinhauser.”